Hillhouse Investigations, Inc.
Loch Ness Monster
and other
KILLERS OF THE DEEP
The grey Scottish sky dims as evening gives way to night. The stark hills surrounding the water lay shrouded in mist and darkness. The surface of the lock is still and deep, its depths never accurately measured. A bolt of silent lightning illuminates the inkwash of the clouds, followed by thunder only after a lonely minute falls. In the water, something moves, a slight hump breaks the surface, scattering ripples off to die in the tides, and then descends again, leaving no trace behind...
Lock Ness, Lake Champlain, the California coast, the Indian Ocean: all points of mystery and strange discoveries and sightings. "Nessie," the Loch Ness Monster (scientific name: Nessiteras
Rhombopteryx), the Lake Champlain Monster ("Champ"), a heretofore thought extinct Coelocanth, rotted carcasses looking suspiciously like dead mermen, giant squid... Our planet's oceans are the last bastion of true Unknown remaining us, and, man, have they got bucketfulls!
Many sightings have been made for centuries of bizarre sea-monsters in the oceans and deep-water lakes of the world, though little concrete evidence has been found. But Hillhouse Investigations has compiled massive amounts of true-life depositions, photographs, and video-tapes of these creatures. We have no doubts, and we assume that many of you feel the same. At least, we hope so. Because, frankly, we'd feel pretty stupid if we were the only ones... Anyway, that isn't important. What IS important is that a connection be made between sightings, evidence gathered, and any homes or small wading children be gently moved aside and out of danger. These beasts have avoided man so far, but that may not last for long. We at Hillhouse have developed a theory that hypothesized that many thought-to-be extinct sea creatures are gathering in the hollow center of the earth in preparation for a massive invasion of the surface world. Yes, we believe the Lock Ness Monster to be the vanguard of an enormous, reptilian army, a remnant of the Grand Court of the Lizard Lord that held sway over most of Pangea, the super-continent, in times of old. It was a time of great terror for mammals, who were hunted down and sewn into the trophy pelts of the Great Rexes, an elite band of water-breathing, carnivorous, Saurian Warhounds. The time may be coming again!
If you have evidence of such an invasion, or have sighted a Plesiosaur in a nearby watering- hole, or have even hooked a five-thousand pound, armored trout off the Florida Keys, call us immediately! Leave it to the Professionals. Do NOT explore any deep-water holes that look as though they may reach into the Earth's core. Do NOT attempt to plug such a hole using TNT or any sort of explosive device. You will only make them ANGRY! Together we can stop this dire threat. And only for a minimal fee!